5 Tips to Writing Your First Message on Dating Sites


Firstly, I’ll start off by saying I’m no Casanova, far from it in fact, otherwise I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of frequenting dating sites in the first place. However, I have been using these sites long enough to know a bit about what to and what not to do. When it comes to the online dating newbie, it can be very difficult to get that first message out there and actually get a response. Your pinging these messages across yet you still find yourself staring at an empty inbox. As a result your self-confidence begins to drop and you start to think to yourself “why bother?”

Here are 5 of my top tips to get you started with your online dating first message:

1. Your message title – Granted, not all sites are the same, but a large majority I have used require a message title to be sent. It is crucial that you use a title that is going to get that person to open the message if this is the case. Do not, and I will repeat, do not leave your title as default! It will look like you have made no effort at all, and generally the default titles simply read “Hi” or “hello.” Think of something creative, maybe an interesting question for example, or just any sort of statement that will make this person think “Hey! I wonder what this message says.” Your title can get your message opened, a hurdle that must make sure you get over.

2. Don’t underestimate the importance of your profile – Just like in the outside world you are going to be judged before you have even made a direct approach. I highly recommend you spend time on your profile, as the message recipient is likely to ‘check you out’ before they decide to respond or not. After all, its best they get to know a little bit about this mystery person before they go ahead and strike up a conversation. Get a photo uploaded and make sure there is some information about yourself.

3. Think about the person you are messaging – Take a look at their profile and actually read it! Try and work out what sort of person they are and what will appeal to them. Remember that dating site users are not all looking for the same thing. You can send what you perceive to be the most interesting or quirky message in the world and the other person may just think you are insane!

4. Keep it brief – Imagine you were approached at a bar and that person introduced themselves in the form of an essay, could you honestly say you would not lose interest? Well it’s even worse online! If you are sending long-winded messages the reader will simply get bored and lose interest. The game is over before it has begun. The key to sending a message is sparking interest, throwing that rope for the other person to latch on to. A couple of lines are all you need to do this.

5. Be creative! – A very important one that follows on from the previous point. You need to be creative in your messages. The dating game has become a competition and you need to stand out from the crowd. “Hi, how are you?” simply won’t cut it and you will dramatically increase your chances of a response if you go for something original. Pick up on something from the other persons profile, ask a question about it maybe as it not only gives the recipient something to respond to but also shows you’ve taken the time to read the recipients profile.

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